I won't kick your dog, but don't expect me to pet it. Call it what you want, but I do not like animals.

If I have to watch another overly sappy and annoying commercial of Sarah McLachlan asking me to help the animals, I might just lose it. How about we help all the children currently living in horrible conditions here in the United States, before we start emptying our pockets for a couple of kittens? Start sending your 60 cents a day to thousands of senior citizens who cut their prescription pills in half to make them last longer.

It angers me to see people get so wrapped up with their pets that they lose sight of reality. For me and many others, reality is not having health insurance. Yet some pet owners won't think twice before shelling out thousands of dollars to get heart surgery for their pet rat.

Things that were once considered a special occasion or luxury item, like a cake from a bakery, are now commonplace in some dogs' lives. During a recent visit to Fashion Island mall, I was disgusted to find a bakery devoted entirely to dogs. What do you mean I CAN'T eat that cupcake? I remember going to the bakery as a reward for good grades and picking out a doughnut. Now, some pet owners spend $4 on a dog biscuit, just because.

Besides the fact that some pets are dressed better than homeless people -- a Juicy Couture dog sweater starts at $95 -- I get grossed out when I enter homes with indoor animals. Regardless of upkeep, my nose can detect that dog smell instantly. Then you sit on the couch and this dog comes and licks you, covering you with a nice wet layer of dog drool. When it's time to go, you find out that your clothes are covered in cat and dog hair. Think about it, you have another animal's hair all over you.

When I hear stories of people getting antidepressants for their cats, or planning their family vacation around dog-friendly attractions, I can only shake my head. It is something I will never understand. I am not going to voice my outward dislike for animals, but please don't expect me to get excited about the new collar you bought your puppy, or the surprise birthday you are planning for your kitten.

My hate mail can be sent to Cesar Millan, the dog whisper.